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Get real: Madison Avenue can't fool you
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I’m Neil Senturia, the host of I’m There for You Baby and I am wound up on the subject of reality television, reality adventures and reality product placements….
Because none of them are reality at all…..they are all fake…f-a-k-e --- FAKE
The media and Madison Avenue want to try to convince you that they should be the architect of your vision rather than you—yourself.
And that you the consumer are so fucking dumb that you think that by wearing Angelina Jolie’s underwear– if she wears any – you are going to get admitted to the most private dance clubs or whatever Ms. Jolie does when she is not doing nothing…..
Do they really believe that we are that stupid?
The latest two entries in this totally misplaced allocation of resources is Ford and Jaguar….
Ford is running ads with a picture of Taylor Hicks smiling – Mr. Hicks is this year’s winner of American Idol…..and the assumption is that if you buy a Ford, you will be an American Idol also…?
What are they smoking….how absolutely brainless do they think the American buying public is…..it is an insult…..what the hell does Mr. Hicks know about cars….this guy never even owned a car until he won…..he rode the bus !
And now he is an expert on performance, mileage and duel overhead turbo camshafts….give me a break…
And as if one stupid car company is not enough, today we find that Jaguar has a new reality based ad…..they gave a fancy XK car to one Nico Bossi.…..no, this guy is not a good fellow…this guy is just handsome….he is 27 years old a native of Rome who is good looking and is sort of a fake jet setter who goes around Manhattan eating at the restaurants you can’t get into at which a meal for two is 800 dollars…..or he is dancing at clubs you can’t get into and having bottle service with Veuve at 600 per bottle……and the ads always show the car in the background…..
So the deal is we think this is reality --- and that we can have this reality if we buy the car……who the fuck wants that reality….?
The plan Ford has is called reality product placement……Jaguar gives him the car for free….and Mr. Bossi goes about his jet set lifestyle in it….
If he was such a jet setter, he would have a driver…….where the hell do you park a Jaguar in Soho……the parking tickets cost more than the champagne….
The Jaguar ad focuses on the word “gorgeous.” They say gorgeous makes effort look effortless….”
Give me a break…..I’m There for You Baby is about taking control of your life…..not about fantasy football……no effort is effortless…..and thus we come to baby billionaire book rule no. 192. Maximum effort properly applied equals results ---- effort is not effortless….effort is effort…..
Jaguar goes on to say that their campaign is “about people seeing nico and the car and wanting to be part of that.”
If you want to be part of that – get a job or even better, start your own company……but Jaguar pleeeeeeese ----- haven’t we had enough of the beautiful people who do nothing – with their seemingly unlimited amounts of time and money……what are you selling --- ?
You and Nico are selling crap….you are selling the decline and fall of the Roman empire……you are selling false dreams and lies….you are giving hypodermics to recovering addicts…..
Jaguar goes on to say that its quintessential buyer is a gray haired white man who belongs to a country club and who remembers the brand from the glory days -------
That man does not exist any more….he is irrelevant…welcome to the new America where innovators will eat your lunch, where passion will take you further than good grades….where excellence trumps the old school tie….where performance is the only merit that counts.…
Mr. Bossi and his custom shirts, his 14 dollar martinis, his Valentino suit, and his 400 dollar sun glasses is an anachronism…..he is a dinosaur……
Jaguar has bet on the wrong horse ---- that market is small and dying…….
The new world order will belong to the innovator…..and she will drive a hybrid that gets 40 miles to the gallon and make her own decisions about her life style without being influenced by someone else’s imagined invented fantastical un-reality…..because the only reality that matters is your own…
I’m Neil Senturia and I have never owned a Jaguar and never will……
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Time is running out? Hardly...
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Hello, I’m Neil Senturia, the host of I’m There for You Baby, the Entrepreneur’s Guide to the Galaxy…
So today the Baby wants to explore marketing --- which is a big word for getting people to buy into and then buy some stuff that they don’t need that they don’t want, that they can’t afford, that may or may not work and which they will put in the drawer and in 2 years when they move, they will wonder why they bought it in the first place…..
Except sometimes you actually want to buy something and then the problem is --- how much should you actually pay for it…..
Now anyone who has been awake in the last decade knows that there are multiple web sites that are designed to search the internet and tell you the best price at more than 1289 different stores or sites……
But in the case of one particular item, that is not he case…..namely renewing your subscription to a magazine.
Now, admittedly, Baby is a bit neurotic and currently subscribes to over 19 different weekly magazines and 7 daily newspapers and 13 monthly magazines.
Now here is the way the subscription business works…..first some nice little girl scout comes to the door….or some homeless person, or some Evangelical non profit decent hardworking clean cut man or woman and you in a moment of weakness sign up for a few magazines, because they promise that this is the lowest price and that 89% of the money you give them is going to a worthy cause like save the whales or feed the children…..so I am down with that and have taken that hook more than once….
So far, so good….but then 3 months after the first issues come on what is supposed to be a year’s subscription, you start getting renewal notices.…and the prices they offer are even lower than what you signed up- for….
Now I don’t mind that some nice charity made a few bucks on me…..what I object to is you can’t tell when the subscription expires….
And the notices tell you that this is your last issue……sign up now and save 93% off the cover price of the magazine…….I mean if they saved me any more money they would just send me the magazine for free….
And so Baby tried a test…..
I subscribe to Time Magazine….and have for years…..and apparently at some point I either signed or forgot to sign some thing and have subscribed in perpetuity according to the most recent missive I received from Time Inc….
It says quote: when you enrolled in Time’s automatic renewal program” whoa…..when did I do this….how did this happen…automatic renewal for life…..I will be in my grave and some dude from Time Inc is going to come looking for his money 6 years after my kids have said the Kaddish and started to spend the inheritance….
This has to stop….
The note goes on to say…..
“Since Time never received cancellation instructions, however, the records reflect that you still haven’t made a payment for your current service term and then in bold letters in big print it says….$39.76 is due…..
Fat chance……
So I decide to call up……herein we have rule 112 in the Baby’s Becoming a Billionaire Book ……rule 112 says that after beating your brains in on the web site or trying to get an automated answer to a question that the automator doesn’t have in the database….in other words, when all else fails, call up on the phone….use Alexander Graham Bells’ device…or Skype if you must….but go for personnel and personal interaction…..
And so I call the 800 number and get a nice man in the Indian call center – whom I ask if he is in India and he answers by telling me that he works for Time Magazine……I know that dude, but I’m curious….just where are we outsourcing our customer service……well anyway, we finally get down to brass tacks or in this case Bindaloo curry and I say ….look, 39 bucks is too much, I am going to offer to pay 29 dollars…will you take that….?
The answer is no…..you owe us 39.76…..I say ok….let me explore this a bit more……we go around on this a bit more, but he has his script that he reads from -- and the answer is no way…..sometimes I have to interrupt the pitch because the script is not following the question…..I ask what is the weather and the answer is that this call may be recorded to improve customer service….you could improve customer service by listening to the customer…..
Now the kicker, 4 days later I get a notice in the mail from Time Inc…..it say if I renew right now, they will start a year’s subscription for only 19.95…..
I am down with that, but I have two problems….I am already getting multiple copies of Time and I can’t figure out when the current subscription actually ends….
So I call up again….I get the call center….I say, your last offer was 19.95 and that is too much money, so I am going to offer you 9.95…..
The guy says “Let me check with my manager” – sounds like the used car ploy……I wait and the guy comes back and says that it is ok….they will bill me 9.95 and I get a year’s subscription to time…..so I ask if I have any back payments owing……no he says….when does my subscription end I ask….he says in another 19 months….so it seems I have already paid for 19 months – and the original dunning notice for 39.95 might have been in error….and now if I agree to 9.95, the will add another year onto the remaining 19 months and I am good to go…..
By the way, the notice points out to me that I am saving 191.50 over the cover price of 201.45…..
So I say let me think about it……
And then the topper…..6 days later I get a notice that I can have another year of time for 7.95 – it is marked the professional courtesy rate --- and that is a savings of 193.85 over the cover price…..
If I wait another week or two, they will pay me to read the magazine.
So this is marketing in America in 2006……if I had been dumb enough to agree to the first letter, I would have paid 39.76 (how they arrive at this odd number of cents is beyond me)…..but by waiting 2 weeks, I am now getting it for 7.95…..
Believe me this does not inspire trust in Time Magazine……what if they had one price – and they showed you how many weeks or months you really had left and when they said, it was your last issue, it really was your last issue……wouldn’t that make a lot more sense….
Now I am of the opinion that everything is negotiable…..so when I got the renewal for new York magazine, I called up and the bill went from 52.34 down to 11.21 …..
This is nuts……the first note from Time, signed by one Nina Matula said that the very moment that payment is received, your account will be credited paid in full in bold type and your subscription will be reinstated….even though I had 19 months left on the current one….
Is this marketing – or this chicanery, crookery and generally preying on the fact that most people can’t read the small print on the mailing sticker of the magazine…..and can’t decipher the code to see what reality is……..
From now on, when I get a renewal notice in the mail I throw it in the trash…..I figure if I wait a few weeks, they will either drop the price or start sending it to me on “a free trial subscription.”
What this tells me is that the truth in lending laws needs to be extended to the magazine subscription business…..
And it also tells me that print media is not exactly a growing business……when the Internet can give you real time info for free….it is hard to justify paying for information that is 7 -10 days old…….
So ---- the next time you guys want the Baby to sign up for something – send me your best and final offer first……otherwise I am on to your marketing tricks and if you are not careful, you will be paying all of us to read your rag….and then watch what happens to your ad rates…..
I’m Neil Senturia and if you subscribe to I’m There for You Baby, for the low low cost of 3.76 cents, we will give you 17 years free and throw in a bonus of a Baby mouse pad….
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Are you rotting?
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Like everything else, businesses go through growth spurts. How can you be sure that your business is really growing...and not rotting?
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I am WTFU about reality product placement
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Ford is running ads with a picture of Taylor Hicks, this year's American Idol winner, and the assumption is that if you buy a Ford, you will be an American Idol also? What are they smoking? How absolutely brainless do they think the American buying public is? And as if one stupid car company is not enough, Jaguar has a new reality based ad. They gave a fancy XX car to one Nico Bossi who is a 27 year old fake jet setter. Jaguar says that their campaign is about people seeing Nicco and the car and wanting to be part of that. Jaguar also says that their buyer is a gray haired whit eman who belongs to a Country Club and remembers the brand from the glory days. Get REAL Jaguar! This man is irrelevant. The new world order will belong to the innovator, and SHE will drive a hybrid that gets 40 miles to the gallon and make her own decisions about her life style without being influenced by someone else's.
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